Summary
Different: Gender Through the Eyes of a Primatologist by Frans de Waal explores the complexities of gender differences, delving into the biological, behavioral, and social dynamics of both humans and primates. The book sometimes feels like it goes off-track, focusing in on less well substantiated and often problematic opinions (at one point, he talks about a primatologist friend who told him something), but overall it offers interesting observations about sex specific primate behavior. De Waal sees human social inequality between genders as bad, but he also argues against a narrative of denial around gender differences, and uses behavior from primates to bolster those arguments. The main behavioral differences that seem stable across genders in a variety of primate species is greater nurturance behavior in females and greater violence in males, but the book is separated into 13 chapters that focus on a discussion around a specific area that relates to gender differences.
Chapter 1: Toys Are Us talks about how even chimpanzee have sex-based toy preferences. Female chimpanzees have an affinity for doll-like objects that they care for like babies, and boys prefer rough-and-tumble play, which is also true in humans.
Chapter 2 is a discussion around the distinction between biological sex and gender identity. And how gender roles (even in primates) are socially constructed, but also influenced by innate biological factors.
Chapter 3 is a personal background about why Frans de Waal is interested in gender, since he grew up with six boys and was struck by how directly nurturing females were when he finally spends more time with them.
Chapters 4 and 5 critique the narrative of male dominance in ape society. He discusses how male aggression and physical dominance are easily observable, but are different than power, and females often have large amounts of power in chimpanzee society. In bonobo society, it is apparent that society is female dominant where coalitions of females exert influence through cooperation and together curb male aggression.
In Chapter 6 and 7, de Waal discusses sex across primate species. Sex signals are very species dependent, and he talks about how faces may serve to mimic genitals. A lot of these chapters are focused on the myths around female passivity and male dominance in sexual behavior across both humans and primates, and that female pursuit and agency in sexual behavior is common in many species. This is tied into a discussion around sexuality in humans and how research on libido and promiscuity is challenging because much of it is self-reported. De Waal, in general, prefers to rely on direct observation rather than self-report.
Chapter 8 specifically discusses differences in violence between males and females. Male aggression is about status, territory, and power. Female violence is typically in defense of offspring.
Chapter 9 and 10 talk about the complexities of relationships between males and females. He discusses alpha females, illustrating that females also gain significant power in primate society and that their hierarchical competition is typically among females, whereas male competition is typically among males. In the same vein, males and females manage social harmony differently. Alphas are often expert at peace-making and extremely generous, making them good leaders and they are not usually just bullies.
Chapter 11 talks about how although nurturance is greater in female apes than males, males sometimes adopt orphaned infants and become excellent caregivers. He suggests that human family structure would enhance selection of paternal caregiving in humans.
Chapter 12 is about same-sex sexual behavior in primates. He emphasizes bonobos, which are pretty much all bisexual. And de Waal's main argument in this chapter is that sexual behavior is clearly not purely reproductive in many social species.
The final chapter, is more of a philosophical call to not ignore biology in pursuit of social equality (which he considers to be a version of dualism).
Discussion Questions
- I found it interesting that hierarchies are typically gendered in primates. Do you think that that has ramifications for workplaces, or do you think that it largely doesn't matter in human societies.
- How useful do you think studying our closest ape relatives is to understanding human differences. Frans de Waal seemed to undercut the point of the whole book at the end when he pointed out that bonobos and chimps are so different in their behavior that it seems to suggest that we can't look to either of them as models of our own behavior (for the most part).
- I found it really interesting and provocative that the same "inherent-biology-based" science arguments that gay-rights groups rallied around in the United States to justify that homosexuality was inborn was seen as inherently threatening, when applied to gender identity, in Holland. He talked about how a researcher did a study showing an area of the brain that predicted gender identity, which was seen as "medicalizing" gender identity, and thus making it seem like a biological problem that could be fixed rather than a personal freedom that should be respected.
It was just making wonder what everyone thinks the role of a scientist should be. Throughout the book, Frans de Waal brings up how audiences would be upset with scientists who presented inconvenient or charged observations. Like should scientists avoid research that could be used politically in a damaging way. Should they avoid research that could harm others? Should they not publish results that go against their personal beliefs?
- What did you see as the most surprising or challenging takeaway from the comparisons between human and primate gender behavior?
- One fact that I found really interesting (although it was based on extremely little evidence - I think de Waals said that "his friend told him") was this idea that apes were never observed to socially exclude other apes based on color or homosexual behavior or gender non-conformity. Do you think that humans have a different natural tendency than other apes or that it just isn't expressed in apes because of different circumstances?